Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Too much Positive?

Too much positive? What do you mean?

This has been a thought I have been turning over in my head the pass couple days. With this New Age movement of self-help, love and light, I can't help but feel that it has come with some, unintentional draw backs. For me personally, I am often scared to feel my "dark" emotion out of fear that I'll attract move of this feeling. I've even had people say this to me. "Don't be negative or that's all you're gonna get". This stems from the "You attract what you are", and the "Thoughts create your reality". Now, tell that some someone who suffers from mental health issues, we are left thinking "Oh, well, fuck". Now I know this "You attract what you are" isn't meant to come off that way, no-one is to be blamed for their mental health issues, but this love-and-light, positivity cure everything mentality is really fucking wearing sometimes. I understand that being positive about things it helpful, but sometime we really don't need it, it can make me feel worse, because I feel like I am failing somehow, because I am not being positive.
So even at time when I am fully justified to have these feelings, I find that I am at war with myself, and I have to keep on top of it because it will spiral out of control, and I will engage in an OCD mindset where I will create a domino effect of events in mind resulting in my worst fears being realised. Luckily this doesn't happen often, and for the most part I keep on top of my mental processes, but recently, with my spiritual crisis, I am struggling again.
I think shadow work get pushed to the side in terms of self-healing, and I can understand why, with the world we live in we expect cure-all and quick fixes on demand, so when it comes to something like shadow work that it messy and scary, most people will probably opt for some yoga or drumming. We still live in fear of the darkness, and we sill believe that this is where evil lurks, but evil walks with the face of man and it's plans are much more sublet then fire and brimstone.

I'm not really sure where I am going with this post, I'm not a talker, a sharer of my feelings, and doing this like this is uncomfortable, because I feel like I am rambling and wasting everyone's time. I have always been the listener, but sometimes even the listener needs someone who will listen to them. Mebbe this is therapy for me, who knows, I'm lead to believe that "getting it out" is a good thing. Can't keep everything to myself now can I?

Saturday, 1 November 2014

In a Veil of Darkness: Witch Way?

Spiritually, I am not in a great place nowadays. I am almost completely out-of-touch with it. It started some months ago, I began to notice that it became harder and harder to enter my inner sacred space, which is the place from which I launch all spiritual journeys and vision quests, and if you have ever read any of my previous posts you would see that my inner life is very colourful and vibrant, but now I am met with a wall and the things I did that where second nature to me I can no long do not matter how much a will it. This isn't a nice feeling, I feel like a tree that has been uprooted and tossed by a tornado miles away not knowing where or even who I am. It's cold and grey, it's almost how I felt during my depression (aside from the feeling of complete worthlessness, hopelessness, terror, and utter bleakness I felt back then), and it was that thought that made me pause, and an important question arose "Why did I become a witch?", and the answer is to heal. Now I call myself a druid and a witch, and there is one major difference for me between the two, I chose to become a witch. See, I had always been a druid it was only a matter of acknowledging, accepting and embracing it, but with being a witch, it was a choice I made, and it was a life changing one, and the funny this is my druidry lead me to it.

Metaphor - Man dragging an uprooted tree by Shana James

It was about 5 years ago during the worse of my depression. I don't really remember how but I was researching in the Triquetra (it is a symbol I have always loved and is the symbol I associate with Druidry) and through that search I came across Neo-Wicca. I think alot of people come into witchcraft via Neo-Wicca. It caught my attention because the beliefs and views were the same as mine at that time, and that is where it started, and like most witchy newbs who don't have anyone to ask or how to research I went straight to Silver Ravenwolf. I can already here the audible teeth sucking of "oh man, rookie mistake" but bare with me. I actually have Silver to thank, for it was a quote from her book Solitary Witch that changed my life for the better. The quote goes as followed:

Being a witch has nothing to do with spells, rituals and unusual clothes - they are the fun stuff.
To be a witch is to desire personal transformation.
Being a witch means to want to work everyday to be a better person.
To be a witch, you must be brave enough to face everything inside of yourself
and have the courage to change the things you don't like.

And it was after reading that quote I broke down and cried tears of relief, because for the first time I had found something that I could use to fight, and I made the decision to become a witch so that I could heal myself for my other half and my family, and I did. So what does this mean for me now that I have lost my way? The reason why I am a witch still remains the same, and that is the light in this darkness. Darkness is the place of great transformation, or unlimited potential and from which all things are born, and so I must descend into darkness with my tiny little and find my roots once more so that I may be reborn in the spring.

Jewels Caves photo from Scenic Dakotas