Wednesday, 2 October 2013

I'm not Buddha and I don't ever want to be

I feel like I've been getting wrapped up in spiritual idea of who I should be. Everyday I read all these quote & comments about "enlightenment" how one should be, and act and say etc to be a "spiritually enlightenment person". But instead of inspiring me, I have developed a complex over how I should be in order to be "spiritual enlightened". I've been feeling like I'm a bad spiritual person because I have not done, x, y & z. I've been creating faults in things that how none, questioning from a place of ego fearing (if that's even a term), 

So I stopped and asked "Who am I"? and those silence answered. It stripped away all I thought I was & thought I should be and left only with what I am. Then I remembered my path, Druidry...why am I on this path? Why I am a Druidess? My path came to me from my patron goddess Cerridwen, she came to me on that night and gave me those gifts and I have been changed ever since. 
When I came into my spirituality about 4 year ago, never wanted to be "enlightened" I just wanted to be happy, with life & who I am. I've realized that I've lost sight of that with this obsession with being this perfectly spiritual person. I know most of you think straight away of a Buddhist monk or an Indian Guru when you see the word "enlighten" and I think with the way we've been conditioned by society & such, that everyone must fight this mold in order to be that kind of person. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing it really is, most of what you see out there is only the tip of the iceberg, if you're not willing to to the leg work in finding & creating your own spiritual life, you'll fall into the trap into thinking you must, walk, talk, think & act in a certain way to be a "spiritual person".
So back to my previous question, why am I Druidess? Well, upon that discovery it was one of the most wonderful days of my life, every time I read about Druidry my heart swells with a feeling I can't lay my finger on, next to my love of my partner & family, Nature is second in my heart, I have always been in awe of her, and herbalism is something that I love researching & hopefully one day practice  Druidry moves me & heals me, it inspires me,and empowers me. 
I've been punishing myself for not fitting this false mold I have created, I am not a guru or a monk and frankly I don't want to be. I am a short purple haired girl from England, who drinks way too much tea, who dreams of marrying her man and live in a hobbit hole with 2 pugs, become a mother and housewife, and do spiritual healing & charms when needed. I'm not going to lead the revolution, I'm going to lead my family to be eco-friendly, to eat healthier.I'm teach my children to love the earth just as much as I do, and show them the magick that lays there..

That is my dream, that is all I want and if that make me "wrong" in a spiritual sense, then frankly I don't give a damn, I want to be happy, not the Buddha

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